I cannot get over this depression.

I don’t know what’s gonna help me.

Graduation’s the quick escape option.

But unfortunately, time is the biggest factor against me.

What is it with me and losing friends…?

In my young years, I used to have a neighbor I was extremely close to. Cindy… Cindy… Cindy… We hung out almost every weekend and almost every day in the summer. We were quite the dynamic duo! Although I can’t remember exactly when I met her, I definitely remember having feelings for her, even though we were only in like… what. 3rd grade? The nice thing about it was that she even liked me too! Too bad she moved to Seattle during my 6th grade year… I can never let go of that talk we had on the night before she moved away. I couldn’t stop crying. I kept begging her to stay, but she didn’t have a choice… I remember being depressed as hell for weeks in the summer after 5th grade. I still remember the last words she ever said to me: “Maybe fate doesn’t want us together. You’ll find somebody else. I promise you. Love ya’ ” I don’t know how it happened, but we just lost all contact with each other. No AIM… no Myspace or Facebook… Didn’t even get her number or address… Maybe that’s why I’m so fascinated with Seattle… I’ve been there once, and I’d love to go there again. Not to find her, but to… to get away for a while.

And then there was my elementary school best friend. Kevin. Ahh yes… We did the unthinkable and fucked shit up, but nonetheless had a blast doing so. Met him in 2nd grade in Ross’s class, and we were best friends all the way through 5th grade. Again, I don’t know what happened. He pretty much abandoned me in 6th grade for another group of new friends. Replacement. Fabulous. Thanks for leaving me to be a loner (literally. I had nowhere to go for most of my 6th grade year). It didn’t exactly help that there were people that hated me for no reason too. I got picked on, backstabbed, accused; people made fun of me… It was a horrendous year.

But that was all made up for in 7th grade. While there were ups and downs afterwards, it was all made better when I met Ann. Not gonna lie, she made my 8th grade year awesome. It took a while but eventually we gained each other’s trust and started talking to each other every day. I felt particularly happier since I was able to flush out and vent all my problems to her, as she would do for me as well. I started liking her even more in 9th grade. Every time I came down to Jefferson to visit, she’d be running up to me to give a huge bear hug.. haha. But things became different after a couple of months. It’s like she started forgetting about me. I didn’t want to let go. I wanted to keep fighting because she was one of the only good things in my life at that time. She was my best friend… And from that point on, it just became a series of ups and downs, ups and downs, ups and downs… Eventually leading to utter replacement by the time I became a sophomore.

Those were the three most significant friendships in my life - All crushed.

There’s no doubt that I miss them all so much. People always tell me that I have to forget about the past; that I have to move on and find better people. Well, I can’t blame them for raising my standards for what the term “best friend” means to me.

While I still have to go through my final semester in education and make the best out of speech, choir, Tri-M, and Interact… I really have nothing else to live for in this community.

Sincere apologies for the followers who had to scroll their way past this long wall of text. It was just a lot to get off my chest. But for those who were ever so kind to read through this… Kudos to you.

January 28th, 2012.